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Raine Horvat
THE THREAD ALCHEMIST
Earlier tonight, something happened at work and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it. Actually, it was my first real day back at work in a while. Like, I've tried to go back a couple times, but couldn't make it much more than an hour. Tonight, though, I probably got through about 4 or so. I was manning the front counter. It was kind of a relaxed night. Normally, I would probably be talking to all the customers and stuff, but with everything that's happened lately, I just wasn't feeling it. So, I was pretty much just cashing everyone out and just sending them on their way. About 8:30 or so, this guy walks up to the counter. I've seen him around the district the last few days, but I didn't really know who he was. He had dinner, so I was ringing up his check and he said something about the song that was playing. "You guys catching onto this too?" he asked. He had a nice enough smile on his face, but... I don't know, for some reason, it felt weird. I already knew what song was playing. Forrest is pretty much all I've listened to lately, and Don't Stop Believing is probably one of the ones that makes things easier for me. But, I dunno. Something about the way the guy said it made me upset a little. I shrugged, trying to just ignore him, and just started to ring up his meal. Except... I couldn't not say anything. It just... felt wrong. "Hope so. It's my brother," I told him coolly. I only peaked at the customer for a second, but somewhere deep I smiled to see that he looked hella uncomfortable. His jaw dropped and he quickly started to smile. "Seriously? That was you he was talking about?"
Wherever that smile was hiding in me it vanished. "What the hell are you talking about?" I blurted out in a barely controlled whisper. "I mean, you said this is your brother singing, right?" he asked, looking a little confused. When I nodded, he continued. "Well, when I met the guy who sings this, all he could talk about was his brother," he said with a still-slightly confused shrug. "When... did... you meet him?" I asked. I was getting pretty confused now, and my heart was pretty much trying to pound its way out of my chest. "A few months ago. He gave his CD to my boss and talked about his brother a lot. My boss liked the music, so he's used it a few times. That's why I remember," he explained tilting his head. I was starting to feel numb with what he was telling me. I tried to think of anyone who stood out that Forrest might have met recently. Forrest did sell a good number of his discs, so no one really came to mind. I just shrugged at the guy. "Who's your boss?" I asked skeptically. "Senator Lilac?" the young man said and I pretty much froze where I was standing. "...Seriously?" I had to ask, watching his face. "You're not fucking with me?" "...Nope," the guy said and reached for his wallet to pull out a business card. Guess what? That fucker actually works for the Senator! When I gave him his card back, he looked like he was finally done being confused. "You should tell your brother how much the Senator likes what he does." Scott (oh, that was his name) suddenly looked confused again. Probably because I'd completely frozen again and probably didn't exactly look all that friendly. I mean, seriously? Seriously? FUCKING SERIOUSLY?!? "...I... wish I could," I told him barely able to keep the venom out of my voice, even though it was all over my face. I gave the dude his change and slammed the register drawer, staring the guy down. He shook his head like he had no idea what was going on. "What?" he asked quickly. "I mean he's gone," I whispered back darkly. I could already tell it was time to go home, but first I had to deal with this shit. Suddenly the dude's eyes went all huge. He tried to open his mouth a couple of times, but no sounds came out. Or, if they did, I couldn't hear them. Finally, I somehow managed to hear the word, "How?" I stared at Scott for a while, not moving. I pretty much didn't trust myself to. Really, in the silence, it was only Forrest's voice on the radio that kept me from leaping across the counter. I know that probably sounds bad, but fuck it. It's how I feel! That's what the fucking counselors tell us, right? Don't hold it in? Alright, I wanted to fucking beat this guy for having no idea that Forrest was gone. Doesn't matter that its not his fault. Doesn't matter that he's actually concerned and sorry. It doesn't fucking matter. That's what I wanted to do. But, it's probably a good thing Forrest was still on. His voice calms me down. Finally, I let go of the dude's gaze and looked down at the counter. "The war. We... we tried to help a friend of ours..." That's... really all I was able to say. I went numb after that. All the thoughts, all the guilt came back. I felt like I was drowning in it. "I'll let the Senator know. I'm..." Scott said, pausing. I didn't bother looking up. I didn't want to hear he was sorry. I just didn't want his sympathy. I hoped he'd just walk away. He didn't. "I'm sure he would be proud of Forrest." It wasn't until after he turned and left that I finally looked up to see the fifty dollar tip he left on the counter. A fresh wave hit me and I sank behind the counter for a minute before letting Calvin know that I needed to leave. Got home a while ago and still trying to figure all this shit out. Thought maybe writing about it would help. Maybe it did. I'm not really sure. But... still, what... if he's right? Would Senator Lilac be proud of Forrest? How the hell could he even care that much about him? Out of all the people he met? And for what? Following his dumb brother's need to constantly fucking help everyone? It doesn't make any sense. But... if it's true, then so what? It's not like a Senator has the power to bring him back, so it's not like it matters. Does it really mean anything? I mean, I'm asking, so maybe it means something to me? But... if it's real, it needs to matter. I don't know how, but... pride doesn't matter. And Forrest does.
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Raine HorvatSo, I'm Raine and I'm basically alone in this wor... you know what, I'm not really here for you. I'm here to vent my own thoughts and feelings. So, I don't really care about what you think. Just know that this is my home. Don't bother trying to defile it with your trolling comments. You got something intelligent to say, then say it. If not, you can go fuck yourself. Categories
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